Introduction

Have you ever had the moment you say something and wish you had used a different word? “That’s not what I meant.” “What I meant to say is…” Mark Twain once said, “The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter—it’s the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”1 Our words matter and how we use our words matters even more and this is true in our neighborly interactions, our work places, but especially our homes. We’ve all heard of the language or word police and many of us have probably have even been confronted by them. But this is not the purpose of this article. The purpose of this article is to lead us to consider the importance and value of using intentional, biblical language that guides our lives, specifically our parenting, and supports the Gospel in our homes.

I want to share a quick disclaimer. In this article, I will focus mainly on speech, but communication involves many other factors—like tone, body language, environment, and interpretation. I won’t address these topics and how they affect our speech below, but I do want to recognize their influence and the importance of their consideration to the topic at hand.

An Overview on our Speech (The Tongue)

Foundational to this discussion is a basic understanding of how the Bible speaks about our speech, or to use the biblical language the ‘tongue’. The Bible addresses the power of our tongue or our speech significantly throughout the Old and New Testament. In the book of Proverbs, the author addresses our tongue and speech in around 90 different proverbs.2 The book of Proverbs addresses and leads us to consider our ‘words’ more than any other aspect of our lives.3 Proverbs 18:21, teaches us that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…”

James 3:3-12 teaches us about the dangers of the tongue when unbridled and uncontrolled.

3 If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. 4 Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. 5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. 7 For every kind of beast and bird, reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.

Sin affected all aspects of our being, including our speech. James tells us that our tongues, while small, are powerful members of the body and it is impossible to control apart from the help of the Spirit. In this passage, James first highlights how difficult it is to control the tongue and how easily it can have its control over us and then tells us how powerful and dangerous it can be. How powerful and dangerous is the tongue according to James? He likens its power and damaging impact to a small ember of fire that can easily consume a forest in only a matter of time. Our tongue when uncontrolled and untamed can have damaging effects on those around us. “It’s a restless evil full of deadly poison.”

But the author of Proverbs tells us it not only brings death, it can also bring life. He says, “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life…” (Prov 10:11). “The lips of the righteous feed many…” (Prov 10:21). The word ‘feed’ in this verse means ‘shepherd’4 – our speech and tongue can shepherd others, meaning it can guide, nourish, refresh and invigorate others. The apostle Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:29, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” Our tongues are meant and purposed to edify and build others up and can provide grace to others who would hear from us.

Our tongues have the power to discourage and crush others and it has the power to encourage, strengthen and help others. But it’s also important for us to know that when it comes to our speech – what comes forth from our mouths flows ultimately from our hearts. Jesus says in Luke 6:45, “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Jesus teaches us that the things we say and the attitude from which we say them flow directly from our hearts. This means that when we speak unhelpful, discouraging, or even destructive words or speech – it is not a result of a specific circumstantial environment we find ourselves in, we’re busy, hungry, tired, etc. Our negative or hurtful speech isn’t derived because of our surroundings or circumstances. But our circumstantial environments do provide opportunities for heart and pressure to be applied to reveal what’s already in our hearts.

Some important key takeaways about our speech and tongue. What we say and how we say it flows from our hearts. The tongue is a powerful member of the body, untamable apart from the Spirit. The tongue has the power to bring about destruction or life and grace in the lives of others. With these foundational truths in mind, I want us to consider how the intentionality of biblical language in the home can help guide and direct us as parents. I want us to see how biblical language can help lead our children in a way that honors the Lord and can support the Gospel in our homes. Let’s first address how biblical language can help us in our parenting.

Biblical Language directs Gospel parenting

What informs your parenting? The reality is that there is ‘something’ that informs our parenting whether that be our experience or upbringing, a movement of the cultural trend of parenting being shared on social media, or perhaps an influential book that helps us. But there is nothing surer to inform your parenting than the living and active Word of God. There are three biblical truths about the Word of God that helps support us, especially in the most difficult seasons, in our parenting. These are simply stated in summary and expounded below.

1. God’s Word produces faith in the hearts of the lost.
2. God’s Word always accomplishes the intended purposes of God.
3. God’s Word is profitable for training in righteousness.

The first is perhaps the most important and it stems from Romans 10:17, “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.” While as parents we cannot place faith into the hearts of our children, we can expose them daily to the words of Christ that is the means of illuminating faith into their hearts. But secondly, Isaiah 55:10-11 teaches, “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, 11  so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.” We can always trust God’s Word to produce in us and in the lives of our children exactly what He desires or sets it out to accomplish. And while I’m not claiming that this will inevitably bring salvation to your child, the Word of God is the means by which the Spirit brings about salvation and change in the hearts of individuals. While we might not see the Scripture’s direct and immediate effect in the lives of our children, just like seeds sown in the garden, we can trust that God will use it to accomplish His purposes in their lives.

It's because these two ideas are true, they support the idea of the third truth and help move us to consider the importance of Biblical truth in the home. Paul teaches us in II Timothy 3:16, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” While this verse is typically understood to teach us about the inspiration of Scripture and its authority, it also references the benefits or effects the Scriptures can have in the life of an individual.

Paul teaches us that God’s Word is profitable for teaching, admonishing, correcting and training in righteousness… Doesn’t describe some of the responsibilities we have as parents in raising our children? The raising of our children involves each one of these aspects, we must teach them, at times we are correcting and admonishing them, and we are attempting to train or instruct them in what are righteous and unrighteous ways in accordance with the Word of God. II Timothy 3:16 provides an outline or pattern for how it can help and guide us in our parenting.

Biblical Language in teaching

When we teach our children, we are doing more than just imparting knowledge, we are more importantly shaping their minds and hearts in accordance with the Scriptures and God’s way of living. One way to accomplish this in our teaching to our children is to incorporate biblical language that’s derived from God’s Word that will help shape their experiences, responses, thoughts, feelings, and actions. Let me provide a few examples below.

It seems like if “mommy” or “daddy” aren’t a child’s first words then it most assuredly will be “mine.” Teaching our children how to share is a common experience for any first-time parent. Typically, it’s not uncommon for us in our household to use the language along the lines of, “we need to share with one another.” But as our children have gotten older and we have seen comprehension and communication increase, we have incorporated intentional language to teach our children some biblical truths connected with the idea of sharing. One way we have looked to accomplish this is by using the biblical language of “loving one another” and using this term as synonymous with the idea of sharing. This is purposeful to teach our children that their actions (sharing) are motivated by something biblical (love of our neighbor). But the Bible also teaches us plainly what love is from I Corinthians 13, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.” Thus, as we teach that sharing is a loving act, we can be specific about why this is true, because love is kind, it doesn’t envy or insist in its own way. We know that love is this way because this is the type of love God demonstrates (Ex 34:6-7). Biblical language helps us to teach our children about God’s character and His ways.

Let’s consider another way that biblical language helps us to teach our children. Imagine with me as a parent, it’s snack time and you’ve prepared some cut fruit and vegetables for Johnny. You present them to Johnny and he quickly dismisses it, Johnny really wanted some fruit snacks for his snack. Johnny repeatedly tells you “No”, he cries, and might even use his body to express his frustration. Typically, we call this type of response or behavior a tantrum. But how would the Bible define these types of emotions and behavior? Below is a simple diagram with words the Bible would describe the types of emotions, responses, or even posture of the heart occurring within a child. 

This visual helps us to see that the emotions or responses are not limited to just the idea of a toddler’s ‘tantrum’, but it’s the time of emotions or responses we would see in a teenager yelling an outburst to their parents or the driver whose outburst after someone cuts them off. It’s hot-tempered anger that lacks self-control. Using this type of language helps us to teach us as parents that there isn’t just one issue at play – but that there can be several issues of the heart that might need to be addressed. 

Biblical Language for admonishment and correction

Biblical Language not only helps us teach our children it helps guide us in the correction and admonishment of them. The use of biblical language helps teach our children when their character is misaligned with God’s character and when their actions and responses are contrary to how God would have them to live. This lets us rightly correct them or admonish them, teaching them that their actions are not only wrong in our eyes but in God’s eyes. This allows us as parents to teach our children that the wages of their sins and offense before us have consequences and that the wages of their sin before God have greater consequences (Rom 3:23).

Let’s consider our previous example around Johnny’s tantrum, his fits of anger. The Bible teaches us that this action or response is both faulty character and behavior and it leads us as parents to make sure we address the sin that flows from the heart of both (Prov 4:23; Matt 5:18-19; Jas 1:13-15). At times we are tempted only to address the behavior or actions of a child, but the Scriptures teach us that without addressing the heart, behavioral change will not last.

Let me give you one example, recently our oldest child who is three years old has started to whine more frequently. We all know what I mean by this term, a child’s voice becomes a bit more nasally and it’s marked by indifference and apathy. As we read a story in the Bible, we stumbled on the story of the Exodus and the Israelites in the wilderness. We know that their time in the wilderness was marked by complaining and grumbling about several different reasons. But the story of the wilderness wasn’t just meant to show us the actions of the Israelites but their hearts. The complaints of the Israelites only demonstrated that their hearts were full of ingratitude towards the One who had delivered them from their enemies. I realized that their actions and their hearts are no different than my little girl and no different than all our hearts that can succumb to complaining and grumbling. Biblical language helps us to address the heart of the child and provides the basis for the instruction on corrected behavior. Scripture not only helps us to instruct our children with God’s Word, and teach them what are right and wrong actions, responses, and character. It helps provide the standard that guides our correction and our discipline.

Biblical Language for training

The last blessing of God’s Word according to II Timothy 3:16 is that it can be used for training. When we use biblical language, it can help us train our children in righteousness. For our children who do not know Jesus, training them in righteousness involves teaching them rightly the law so that their sin might be clear as we teach them the Gospel so that grace might be clear. John Colquhoun, a Scottish minister from the 18th century said, “It awakens their [i.e., the unconverted] consciences, to a conviction of their guilt, and to a dread of everlasting punishment; and so, discovers to them their absolute need of Christ, and his perfect righteousness, for their justification in the sight of God.”5 Paul makes this clear in Galatians 3:23-24, “Now before faith came, we were held captive under the law, imprisoned until the coming faith would be revealed. 24 So then, the law was our guardian until Christ came, in order that we might be justified by faith.” This was true of all of us who now find ourselves in Christ. God provision of the law to train our children in righteousness is to teach them what God’s Word says to be true about Himself, the world He’s created, and us as beings created in His image and all that He has purposed His creation for, namely the glory of His name (Ps 8:1-4,19:1; Isa 40:26; Jn 1:3; Rom 1:20; Col 1:16).

Biblical Language supports the Gospel message

Biblical language helps us in our parenting, but it also helps allow for the Gospel to be present in the mundaneness of the home.  There are two practical ways that biblical language will help the Gospel in your home, it will support gospel conversation and enforce its teaching in your home.

Biblical language supports gospel conversations

As parents, we are instructed to teach our children about the truths of God’s Word (Deut 6:4-9; Ps 78:1-8), whether this be through a formal practice of family worship or informally as we go about our ways. But our children also can receive teaching from the church, whether through class times or from the sermon on a Sunday morning. Biblical language in our home helps bring cohesion from the teaching of the Scriptures to the application of their hearts. As the narrative and stories of the bible are taught, it allows opportunities for the Spirit to use God’s Word to speak to your children about it as they listen.

Biblical language will only help to support gospel conversations in your home with establishing categories like sin and redemption, transgressions and reconciliation, false teachings and sound doctrine.

Biblical language enforces the gospel

Not only will biblical language support gospel conversations it will help to enforce the gospel in your home – it will allow for the soundness and objectivity of God’s Word to lead the home. What do I mean by this? Biblical language will provide accountability of the Scriptures to the household. For example, as biblical language is taught and instructed and the categories of transgressions, forgiveness, mercy and reconciliation are established it allows for the Scriptures to work amid sin and conflict. This allows for not only the children to be ruled and directed by the Scriptures but for you, as mom and dad, to allow for God’s Word to rule your hearts as well. By using biblical language, we also communicate the importance of Scripture in our own lives as parents. Children are observant, and they learn as much from what they hear as from what they see. If biblical language is regularly used in the home, it shows them that God's Word is not only appropriate among the church or in Sunday school but is vital for everyday life.

Conclusion

The aim of this article isn’t to police our homes or the language we use but to challenge you to thoughtfulness and intentionality with the language you do use. There is much profit that can be gained in our lives and in our homes when we apply the language of the Scriptures to every facet of our lives, including our relationships with others. The use of biblical language is foundational to gospel parenting and to supporting the gospel message in everyday life. Biblical language directs gospel parenting by guiding us in teaching, admonishment, correction, and training in righteousness. It supports the gospel message by promoting reconciliation, fostering gospel conversations, and creating an environment of grace and truth. When we intentionally choose to speak the language of Scripture in our homes, we align our families with the truths of the gospel, praying it will be used by God to cultivate faith in their lives.

ENDNOTES

1. Twain, Mark. The Art of Authorship: Literary Reminiscences, Methods of Work, and Advice to Young Beginners. Edited by George Bainton, D. Appleton and Company, 1890, p. 87.
2. Ross, Allen P. "Proverbs." The Expositor's Bible Commentary, edited by Frank E. Gaebelein, vol. 5, Zondervan, 1991, pp. 897-903.
3. Ortlund, R. Teaching the Word: Proverbs: Wisdom That Works. Crossway, 2012, p. 132.
4. Ortlund, p. 137.
5.  John Colquhoun, A Treatise on the Law and Gospel (Grand Rapids, MI: Reformation Heritage Books, 2022), 120.